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The Worst Werewolf (The Immutable Moon Book 1) - Jacqueline Rohrbach
Me to you: So I’ve finished this book and I’m like, how do I review this? Like, seriously, how?! Help. Me.
 
 
Okay. I’m calmer now. The first part I’m down with. Cute but unassuming hot gay nerd who doesn’t know he’s a cutie is seeking online guy who might be okay.gif online dating profileMaybe he won’t be one of those dating horror stories. Maybe he’ll kinda resemble his profile, the rarest of the rare. Garvey turns up and he IS as hot as his profile pic~ so ominous. Tovin should have known it was the Twilight Zone as soon as he met Garvey. But they go to bar trivia where Tovin considers it winning when two hot women are there and the local guys with patchy facial hair are checking them out, which means the guys will BS for weeks how they “scored” with the hot women, as if, and forget about Tovin for a change.
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Me to Tovin:  Hot guy who matches his profile? Hot women who’ll take the heat off you? Gawd, hon. RUN! Too many planets are lining up. Say you’re going to reapply your CoverGirl Lippy and jump out the bathroom window!!
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Of course no one listens to me, so Tovin ends up in the woods, and it’s baaaad. He’s set upon by ants and bugs GIF I HATE NATUREand rocks, horrid things nature throws at you. Here’s one more tip from the LeeBeMe handbook~ don’t go into nature. Nothing good EVER comes from that. Three strikes: Profile pic matching and he’s built, women to take the hick’s minds of you, and a guy who wants to fuck in the woods. If he’s a catch he’ll find a room, maybe a bed. I hate to be picky but comfort and no bugs up your anus counts gazillions. Trust me. It gets worse when Garvey tells Tovin that the dogs howling in the background are really werewolves, that he’s a werewolf, that Tovin’s going to be a bloodslave for a werewolf. Da hell you say?! Online dating can be tricky if you’re unprepared. If he’d listened to me he’d have run, not to be a bitch and all, just sayin’.
 
 
Lots of lolz in the beginning but shit gets real after that and this is the part where it gets harder to review. Garvey is doing what he’s doing because he’s seen that his wolves, the lesser kind, are going to be culled by other wolves unless he does something. He doesn’t share this info with everyone, his kidnapping teammates aren’t even in the know. He takes Tovin into the woods to mess him up so that he won’t be wanted to present as a bloodslave to an Alpha guardian wolf named Lavario. Lavario’s part of the Varcolac pack but he isn’t Varcolac. He’s from the Isangelous pack, long story, and the leader of the Varcolac pack hates him. But Eresna, Alpha of the Isangelous pack, has plans of her own that involve Mazgan and Tovin and people I prolly don’t know yet. There are waaay too many sneaky shenanigans for me to cover in my review but trust me when I say it’s tricky and sometimes gruesome and all rather brill.
 
 
TWW is some serious paranormal writing about different werewolves living beside each other and humans. They don’t like each other and they see humans as a resource but resources only stretch so far if you set bloodthirsty wolves and vamps on them. IDK how that will all play out but count me in. Garvey jumps around the edges of Teflondifferent packs because he has contempt for pretty much everyone and that suits certain pack members right now. He’s a Moondog which is a werewolf but not high up the order. He’s also Mr. Teflon, nothing sticks to him because he knows how to push just enough to get a rise and then back off so he doesn’t get killed. He’s also got buckets of street smarts and is useful. He’s outrageously lame and funny unless you’re the butt of his jokes, like Tovin is, then it’s kind of unfunny. Poor Tovin just wanted to be spontaneous and interesting because his on and off again bf has pushed him to that I’ll prove him wrong point. He’s got adventure pamphlets like parasailing and spelunking. I went spelunking 4 weeks ago and if you knew me you’d be laughing for days but I did it. I felt great but this whole book is like spelunking on speed for Tovin.
Me to Tovin: You are so much better than your ex because I’d say Marshall or Mitchell, or whatever his douchey name is, would have pissed his pants but you’re faking it till you make it.Tovin IS adorable, Garvey and I agree about that. I asked last review if I could three way with the mcs, am I too obvious if I ask again? Yes? No? Who cares?
 
 
 
 
Outside of Pat Robertson’s blog, if he has one, this has to be the worst blog in the whole world to review this book on, kinda apropos, because Jay’s a perv and I’m sweet cheeks and between us it seems out of place, but when I don’t have my head stuck in text books I read lots of non romance para and fantasy~ ooo, the truth is out there.  If I tell you it’s good paranormal werewolf GIF WEREWOLF SNARLreading, will you take Cocky Reviews and my word? It has queer characters, always good for us queerlings, it’s a bit intense with complications that make it interesting and stretch the grey matter. Garvey’s sexy stuff but he’s too busy being a brat to Tovin, also with semi world domination vamp plans, to actually do anything really sexy. Lovario’s got the whole wise shtick going on. The book gets harsh too so be prepped for that, there will be blood and cranium contortion. There’s a ghost in a blue dress and a bunch of crazy weird happenings nearer the end, and be scared of twenty somethings with the Dewey Decimal System.  I have a feeling the next book will unlock some powerfully good and bad para juju. I’m hoping maybe Garvey will be a teensy bit busy with his sweet treat too, he’s totally into him. I have this gooey spot for pet names and Garvey calling Tovin Sweet Treat is fab, he’d still be a smartass but the name was so melty on his lips when he said it~ “Sweet treat is adorable. Look at him with his big green eyes and blondish-brown hair. Oats and honey.” And this was a promise, a creepy one but I was clapping like Nicole Kidman at the Oscars~ “We’re going to finish this someday, sweet treat. Unless you die. Try not to die.”
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GIF NICOLE KIDMAN CLAPPING
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For now, Garvey twirled the glasses frames in one paw and did something he rarely did. He thought about consequences. He didn’t want Tovin to die. He liked this dopey kid. It was an odd, unexpected realization. Clueless as Tovin was, there was something sweet about him that Garvey wanted to keep in the world. It tugged at a part of his heart he didn’t know existed.

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Aww, Garvey has a heart, you wouldn’t know it but he does. ^^
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GIF PUPPY ROLLING
 
After the first book in the Immutable Moon series I’m in! This book’s got laughs, it’s got lots of characters I like, there’s some nasty parts because it’s written how werewolves would behave if they were real, and pack means a group and whenever you have a group you have politicking. I’ll also reread it to find new stuff I missed this time so The Worst Werewolf gets an A for Awesome or 5 stars.